Splat, and then some. Get serious.

One cold and stormy night, as I lay floating within a dim realm of consciousness, a brush with the Universal Mind overstuffed me and covered me with naugahyde.

As I contemplated my new existance, a large flatulent man sat upon me and proceeded to watch the cosmic TV while he drank from a can labeled "Nietzche Beer."

As the packages of corn chips and chocolete cookies faded into the distance, the first chair materialized before me. Approaching it with awe, I reached out to it in supplication. As a seeker, I felt very close to finding the Answers to all of Life's Questions.

A transcendent light passed between the chair and I. As it passed, a second chair appeared. The light returned. Two more chairs materialized. The number of chairs doubled each time the glowing passion of life moved before me.

Clouds of photocopier madness began to settle over the upholstery shops of my mind.

My life or death had no meaning, other than their affect upon the multiple permutations of over stuffed images hanging from the chandoliers of my consciousness.

At last, Truth was mine. The world must know. I saw my life's mission, oneness with the Ultimate Upholstered for all humankind.